mynamesjanana

Hello Lj. I truly missed you. What's up? Its the first time I have something to write about since I left Manila. I just want to confide to you about how I feel right now. This is beyond expectations and whatsoever, its just that feels like my plans in life are changing and I'm not sure If its something that I should be happy about. A lot of things matters to me, a lot of them are very important to me, and now it seems like being able to live my own life now independently is somewhat a life changing experience that made me have a different views now.

I just don't like some changes with the people around me, and because I can't do anything about it because I'm far from serious civilization (MANILA), I just have to deal with it through you.

Who the hell thought Life is about your comfort zone? Who the hell says Life is easy, NO ONE for God's Sake. Its crappy bullshit! I hate to say this but I just don't know why others are insensitive without them seeing the needs of other people, how about the other people who doesn't really love what their doing yet still stays with doing it for 25 years of their working life, why because we all just need to work to live. No work is lovable, only work that is worth your time and skills. SHET!

I feel different now, I guess being alone makes me more strong than ever. i should admit yes its super lonely out here without anyone to run to, but I guess, somehow, Am I loving it? I hate to say yes, but its YES.

I hate people that care less and only wants the idea of, I want to work and still enjoy at the same time, because Mind you, who wanted to be in Cebu, be alon, be an alien to everyone, just to get this job! I don't, but I'm sucking it because one day I know my hardships will bear fruit and that one day i'm going to have a bright future with the family I'm starting. I'm starting to ask myself If I'm sure of the things that I want to keep as of the moment, because honestly, I'm starting to feel I don't.

Its very easy to say I WANT TO LIVE A LIFE, ALONE, but when you are already here, you'll tell yourself, Hirap pala. And there is no turning back because many are already sacrificed, what's left for me is to stay strong and live the life I chose to live. My inspiration for writing this piece,my friends whom I was able to see at skype today, one is in Australia, another one is in Qatar, and we are all girls. and yet we took the risk of being far away from our family and loved ones. So funny, before we used to talk about crushes, shitty professors, how to get even with allowances from our parents, where to go, where to hang out, what to buy next, what brand of shoes we wear, where we buy our clothes, where to spend our summer,stuffs like this are all meek immaturity and not really very important to life,. Talking to ann and merry in skype awhile ago made me realized solely, we are no longer kids, I am no longer a kid. Yes we are still young, yet being young gives you the freedom to do whatever you want but really up to you to put it all in waste, manage it well or not, its just a matter of forgetting the past, back off in dreaming too much for the future and concentrating on the present. And yes, because whatever is waiting for us in the future, it depends on what we do now in our present. And I definitely believe that each one of us wanted to have the bright future that we want, in our own ways of course.

I miss my care free life, I truly missed my comfort zone, that one in which I don't care about what life might give me,yet, I'm now up in my alley, a level higher than what is usual, life is an everyday challenge, an everyday test of strength, wisdom and honesty.

It maybe hard to wash dishes everyday, wash my clothes and iron it when dried after, clean my house everyday, then work hard, its really a tiring thing to do, and one of the most habitual thing to do, but it leaves us no choice, but only one thing, a lesson every day learned to strengthen us. Thank you God for I am slowly understanding your plans for me. I'm grateful for everything. Will assure you I will get through this with my trust and hard work.

I remembered when all my dreams before was just so faraway, and now, I'm holding it in my hands, what more could I ask for. And if people keeps on asking if I could really go that faraway from home to follow what I want to be, I say YES, yet, its the most heartbreaking thing to do. And then suddenly I want to tell each of you, I wanted to have a bright future, SOMEDAY, I wanted to give my all to the family that I'll be having, and that when that SOMEDAY comes, I want to be prepared.

Leaving home, being away from all the people I love the most, including my mama pinky, my maldita sister justine, my youngest sister who will always be my dear baby, joey, my sweet friends, my ever loving relatives (remedios side), my office mates, my increasing number of friends,my other family (the zotomayor's), and of course mike, to be very honest, I'm in my most frightened part of my life. I'm scared of being away because I might not keep up with all the good or even the bad things that will be happening when I'm gone. I'm scared of consequences, yet I woke up today and then I realized, I should not. I told myself, JANA If you want to do something now, DO IT NOW, there is no other time. Oh yes! Why did I forget that. I will be islands away from Manila, but this independent life that I'd be facing, I'm sure it will give me lessons, teachings and experiences that I'm sure to treasure. New people, friends, new home, but It'll be for awhile, not forever. Sacrifice. Yes I would.


Hay sigh all I can do is sigh. I'm going to surpass all of this, I'm going to be strong. I can do this.

Mama, Just and Joey, Please love each other. that's the least you can do to keep me not worrying about you three girls that I love the most. Not being able to see our house, sleeping at my although not so cozy place sa lapag ng kwarto, yet for me its the haven that will only suit for me, and that I'm pretty sure that you will also miss seeing me snoring under the bed. I maybe very very loud most of the time, demanding, always have a lot of things to say, but you all know why I'm like that. Its because I just can't stop myself from butting in each of your lives because I care for all of you more than I care for myself.


To my St. Scho friends namely, Wewe, Keshia, Scherz, Camy, Bevs, Marskie, Trina, Bot Bot, Biatch, La, Mavs, and Geneloves (GL) and to others that I may fail to mention but I'm sure you know I've been a friend to you, I'm sure to miss you all bitches. Separating myself from college and accepting that we are no longer kolehiyalas is hard but its much harder to leave and not being able to spend bonding, dates, chikas with all of you. I might missed the days that whenever anyone of you needs me, I might fail to answer your msgs or call you back, But please take note that I will always be in your hearts. I always tell you girls, Don;t make your dream too faraway, make it like a neighbor or better yet make it real. If you wanted to be someone, tomorrow, next month or next year will never be a reason to begin a journey, it should be now. I'm very thankful for having such friends like all of you, we may not be always in good terms, I may not be perfect or what you all expected to be, but I know I've been a good friend and will always be, who will always protect each and everyone of you.Until we see each other again, let's party hard. I guess by that time we are all stable :) Love each other and Protect each other okay?


To the Zotomayor's, damn I'm going to miss every person in the family, I promise to file my vacation or sick leave whenever we are going to have family outing. :) And ugh I'm going to miss Lola Leony. :'(

To Mike, Hello fellow :) Thank you very much for the time well spent and the effort well delivered and made felt by you babe :') No one can ever level the love that we have for each other. Sorry for being a weakling this past few days, I tried my best not to drop a tear, but then every time I'm with you, all good memories made me feel how truly blessed I am and how grateful I am that you are my partner. Thank you for sharing your wonderful life with me. Yes, it may take a while and expensive air fare to be together, yet, what we have is real and let's do this together. I told you before and I will tell say it one more time, All that we've got is something that no one can break, I knew the first time I saw you, that you are the only and last person that I wanted to love and spend the rest of my life with. Glass might break, islands might keep us so apart from each other, time might be competing against the both of us, people will try to put us both down, we don't know, we can't be certain of the future, but One thing's certain, I love you so please don't ever let go of my hand. I will always be here for you.

Until next time and until the next blog. SOMEDAY we will all be what we want to be :)

Going to put a period on this. I'm tired.

I just can't stop myself from dreaming awake about this much anticipated climb to Mt. Pulag! I promise and swear to myself I'm going to see that bright sunrise and the endemic fields at the top pf the Mt. Pulag peak. I will make sure I can have that Sea of Oceans experience on top of it.

Sometimes,no not sometimes, you are like THAT, grr

We all tend to travel either north or south of Manila for the perfect Lenten retreat- the beach, the historic churches in every town or province, or just an idyllic place for the much needed rest and recreation.

Me? I want not just a pretty view but an overall amazing experience for my Lenten season this year. What could provide a weary urban dweller like me an ideal weekend getaway? Perhaps I want something with a rustic vibe or a place with an architecture or just a foliage that can envelope my senses with some soothing colors, or all of these.

And the best way for me to end the day, is to catch a magnificent sunset. No two sunsets are ever alike and it makes one realize the beauty of being enveloped by God's canvass. The skies, I want to see skies that are tingled with strong hues and gentle wisps of light, while the surface of the water, calm but in perpetual motion, mirrors the sky in a gentle haze.

Escape is a word that connotes freedom. In this case, it means liberation from the clenches of an urbanized world and into the warm embrace of a timeless place, a spot where the notions of tension and anxiety don't seem to exist.

I would love to be at that place, to feel the freedom even just for a couple of days.

Isn't it great how life has become extraordinary! Seriously it is. I'm feeling happy about what I am feeling now. Hopefully, in the coming more days, things gets better even more. I want to celebrate every moment of my life. So I started my summer with a bang, with that trip to Daet with some friends including baby. Made me more happier than ever because I get to spend time with Mike regularly since his all back in the real world na. YEHEY!

Yesterday is another great Thursday! YIKES! hihi! Bonding date with my little sister Joey and Babe again :D I'm sharing you all our picture yesterday:



And and and, I'm so excited for my BOHOL TRIP! With baby :) JIKESSSSS! Can't wait. The best summer ever!

Hello Sunday Morning!I'm waking up today with a bright smile and just thought of the fact of how lucky I am. I noticed, I haven't had any good vibes entry yet, seldom GOOD. And now I'm writing one again. I just want to share the beauty of my life, I'm telling the whole world how happy and contented I am. Despite the family issues I'm experiencing right now, Masaya pa din akong gigising sa bawat umaga kasi andyan si Mike. I have my one true love. PERIOD.

William Shakespeare said "Love is merely madness", it is. This coming April 24, 2011, Yehey! 9 months together. Who would have thought that a beautiful love story just started last year, seems to me its already thousand years ago. And right now, all I want to say is that, I'll never ever letting go of this man. Sasapukin ko magaattempt agawin sa akin si mike (laughs)

I had an awesome week, seriously, Buti sumama ako sa Daet, dami ko lang narealize. I need to be reminded of those realizations. Last week pa lang excited na din talaga ako. I am simply grateful I was able to spend time with my husband (hihihi) Sobrang perfect moment, perfect place with the perfect person. 3 days na gigising ako sa umaga, siya agad nakikita ko. I couldn't believe I deserve such goodness in my life. Lumabas ako ng room, naglakad ako sa beach, Nagthank you ako kay God, nagthank you ako kasi, I still have the reason to live life, and I was so happy while walking that morning. God, parang kulang pa yung MAHAL NA MAHAL KO SI MIKE. I want to give more and make him feel more.

Yesterday was tremendously just another date, but why on earth do I feel cloud 9 when I'm with him, its like there's no ordinary day with this man, I could justify, one is loved because one is loved, no reason is needed for loving. I said this before and I'm telling again, I don't need special moments to make you feel how immensely in love I am to you. I swear to God, I can give anything for this man, be always there for this man, with every beat of my heart. Sobrang he knocks me off my feet everyday of my life. Must admit we started parang plain magbf and gf lang like the usual relationship, sobrang umaapaw lang ako sa saya and pagmamahal dahil kay Mike. MOYK MOYK MOYK bakit ka ba ganyan babe. :') Para akong 4 years old na kinikilig lang na nagbblush pa tapos nagpapacute.

Sabi nga ni Jack, "Your the perfect Two" Jang. Jae and Yaje said, "walang picture na hindi nagpapakita na ang saya saya niyo, ang sweet lang lagi". Wewe said, "Pag nagtatampo ka kay mike or what, text mo lang ako lagi ja, papaalala ko sayo na ikakasal ka pa sa kanya, magpapayaman pa kayo, magkakababy pa kayo.", thank you wewe for this! And Geneloves and Trissa for always reminding me that it is Mike that I have long waited for and most especially yung bigay sa akin ni God.And if there is one reason why for 8 great months were still very much solid, is because we love each other too much that patience, understanding and respect is what we both have to keep a lasting and amazing relationship. We do have little fights, misunderstandings, tampuhan, but not a day that we would let an argument be unsettled. KINIKILIG lang ako habang nagttype ako. Ang lakas pa din ng tama ko kasi kay Mike. hihi No cute words can best describe my partner. I'm just so happy I couldn't stop myself from smiling. There's no good story without Mike in my life. It has never been this smooth sailing since he came.

Sobrang mas nakakakilig lang when we talk about our plans together in the future. Gusto ko maiyak every time naririnig ko lahat sayo how you plan your future with me. Any girl would feel overwhelmed when a man wants her to be a part of his life specifically his future. I certainly want to have a child with you (only with you), maging ugod ugod kasama ka, pag panget na ako gusto ko ikaw pa din kasama ko, That for every problem, issues (best or terrible) gusto ko andun ako lagi, Yayks! I just can't stop dreaming awake.

We always look good together, and I see a very happy and successful future with you. I love you forever and forever I will always love you :)




FACES OF HAPPINESS and LOVE: Tons of story to tell, but to sum up, its just all beautiful. That's me with my baby :)



Sparks go flying! Its great to be in love, I definitely want this feeling. Split a second that I definitely not think of this man. Kasi every time I see his face, its the last face I see in my heart. If I could only begin my life with him now, I'll asked him since its a Sunday, What you doing baby? Would you like to marry me? :D

I'm ending this blog with this famous line from the song "Every breath you take" by Sting, For Mike:

Every breath you take and every move you make
Every bond you break, every step you take
I'll be watchin' you

Every single day and every word you say
Every game you play, every night you stay
I'll be watchin' you
- - -Sting, "Every Breath You Take"


In my life, I love you more Mike :) I'm excited for that one of the many mornings I'm going to spend with you. GOOD MORNING EVERYONE!

Hell I've been confused since last month, and so I was trying to hide everything and tried pretending I'm okay with everything.I also tried being patient, it works then again I felt pissed and all. Its like I'm not so sure of what I want and feel at the moment. I am honestly scared of what I feel now. I hate being confused.WHY AM I FEELING THIS?

I feel so incomplete lately, I feel like a trash, I feel like its hard to be okay. There is something wrong with me. I want to figure out how it came up to this. Why do I always have to runaway or be at other places just to feel okay? Why do I sickly have this high standard with what I want with my life. I feel like I've been looking for something new, adventure, the thrill, the zest for life, the feeling of being finally free from shits. I'M NOT HAPPY, I FEEL INCOMPLETE. I really do. F***. Shet lang daw. Shet.

What to do? What to do? What to do?